14 Subtle Signs You’re Being Taken for Granted—and What to Do About It

She pushes you to work overtime

The guilty party: Your boss

If your boss is asking too much of you—for example, expecting you to come in on a Saturday or cancel evening plans at the last minute to stay late—she may be taking for granted your dependability and strong work ethic. But learning to say no at work is no different than in any other area of your life. “If the request is couched with an apology and the caveat that these are extreme circumstances and not something that will be happening with any frequency, then you probably don’t need to worry,” Ettus says. But if it’s a pattern and you feel you can’t trust your boss to respect your work-life balance, it’s time to push back.

What to do: You may worry that speaking up may make it seem like you’re an ungrateful employee—but it’s your boss who should be grateful for the work you do. “Communicate that you would like more notice in the future and that, though you are dedicated to your job, you don’t want to become undependable to other people in your life,” Ettus says. “Hold tight to your boundaries.”

She’s never there for you

The guilty party: Your friend

Your friend may be taking you for granted if she leans heavily on you for emotional support but doesn’t make herself available when you need her. For example, “a friend calls you with her problems and you listen and support her, but when you call her with a problem, she is not there for you,” Ettus says. This is a sign that selfishness is in the equation: She’s taken for granted you’ll always be there to listen to her problems, even if she won’t do the same for you, which is not how to be a true friend. “The friendship does not feel equal, and you notice that you are growing resentful and feel used,” says California-based therapist Rhonda Milrad.

What to do: You can still treat someone who takes you for granted with respect when bringing up the issue. “At a time when you are enjoying your friend—over a meal, for example—raise the issue,” Ettus says. “Make your friend aware of the issue, and give her a chance to fix the problem.” Still, you can decide if it’s a friendship worth saving. “If it’s a close friend, then it may be worthwhile having a conversation and sharing your feelings,” Milrad says. “If the person is less meaningful, it may be better not to put too much energy into trying to repair things.”

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He expects you to drop everything for him but is too busy for you

The guilty party: Your significant other

If your partner wants you to be at his beck and call but won’t show up when you need him to, you’re being taken for granted. You might even be in a codependent relationship, which means you’re sacrificing your well-being for your partner. Relationships shouldn’t be a one-way street, which is the case if “your partner or spouse expects you to be available at a moment’s notice, but they make solo plans without any warning,” Ettus says. You can see if addressing the problem head on works. If not, you may need to consider ending things if your partner remains too controlling.

What to do: Assert that you won’t be domineered, using language like, “I noticed that we’re always doing what you want to do, even if I already have plans and yours came up last minute. That feels unfair to me,” Lerner says. You can try using tools like a shared calendar to see if that helps. “Communicate your need to have some transparency with the schedule, and make some plans of your own so that you aren’t always sitting around waiting,” Ettus says.