How to be yourself

Some people go their entire lives without examining or understanding their true selves. They let others tell them who they are. They let society determine their goals and dreams. It’s the easy way out.

You’re not one of those people. You want to dig deep and learn how to be yourself – your true self. Once you do, you’ll reveal a life filled with possibility and fulfillment.

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1. Know yourself

Our beliefs about who we are go all the way to childhood. We’re born as sponges, and we soak up our environment without even realizing it. We form an opinion of ourselves that we think is true – but it’s actually how others want us to be. These opinions become our limiting beliefs, and before you can answer the question “How can I be myself?” you must strip them away. Your true self is underneath.

 2. Let go of negative self-talk

Limiting beliefs manifest as negative self-talk. To overcome limiting beliefs and learn how to start being yourself, listen to your inner monologue. You may tell yourself things like, “I’ve always been this way” or “I’m just not good at this.” Perhaps you tell yourself that you need to be perfect to be worthy of love. Catch this self-talk and question it. Is it masking who you really are?

3. Focus on your strengths

Your negative traits are not who you are. Replace negative self-talk with positive thoughts that empower you to be yourself. When you focus on your strengths, you build yourself up instead of tear yourself down. Not sure what your strengths are? Think of the times in your life when you’ve felt the most “in your element.” You felt that way because you were finally discovering how to start being yourself.

4. Stop living in the past

Your past does not equal your future. Everyone has made mistakes. They don’t have to define who you are, and you don’t need to spend your life atoning for them. Learn how to let go of guilt and stop living in the past. Your life can be anything you want it to be – so make it extraordinary.

5. Stop caring about what others think

For many of us, not caring what others think is easier said than done. It’s human nature to want to fit in, but our fear of what other people think only holds us back. Remember that what people think of you is actually a reflection of them, not you. You can’t control other people’s opinions. All you can do is learn how to be yourself – and how to be happy with that.

6. Be open to change

The human brain is complex. We are the product of hundreds of experiences and pieces of information that our brains process every day. The brain is always learning and changing, so how can we expect ourselves to stay the same? Realize that you can change your opinions and preferences while still fundamentally knowing how to be yourself. To be yourself, you must actually allow yourself to change.

7. Be vulnerable

It’s easy to show off the good parts of ourselves. But to be yourself, you have to be your whole self. That means being willing to be vulnerable. If you’re wondering “How can I be myself?,” the answer is to step into your pain and face your fears head on. Be open and honest with your partner and your friends. Tell them how you really feel. Share your deepest fears. You might be surprised how it strengthens your relationships.

8. Express yourself

Expressing yourself can help you determine what you enjoy, how your experiences affect you and how to start being yourself. Keep a journal and record what you did well each day and what you enjoyed, as well as things you could have done better. Express yourself through art, writing, music or even gardening. It’s while we’re engaged in things we love that we feel most ourselves.

9. Get out of your comfort zone

People crave certainty – it’s one of the Six Human Needs. Yet we also need growth and variety. Tony tells us that “All growth starts at the end of your comfort zone.” The journey to learning how to be yourself starts there, too. Experience new things and notice how they make you feel. You’ll learn more about yourself by leaving your comfort zone than you ever thought possible.

 10. Find your community

You’ve done the internal work. Now it’s time to seek support and acceptance for the new you. When you surround yourself with the right people, they’ll elevate your best traits and build you up, instead of holding you back. You’ll finally feel like you can stop searching for how to be yourself – because you’re in a place where everyone already knows who you really are and loves you for it.

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