I’m boring and have no personality: Why and how to change - Jenny's Life Logic

Do you feel inadequate around others?

Perhaps you feel like a watered down version of yourself?

There are many reasons why people feel like they’re boring and have no personality. Understanding this is a great way to change how you feel. Let’s get started shall we?

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Is it possible for someone to have no personality?

From a very young age parents can identify the temperament of their child. Perhaps they’re content and happy; maybe they demand attention and enjoy interaction.

This temperament is the building block for personality.

It shapes the experiences we seek and the way we interact with the world.

We all have likes and dislikes, a set of values and a sense of identity. These things form your personality.

So, it is impossible to have no personality!

What is possible is to dislike your personality. Chances are, that’s the real issue here.

Do I have a boring personality?

What’s boring to one person is fascinating to another.

What do you think of people who love to read? Boring or intellectual? How about people who get up early to watch the sunrise? Boring or adventurous?

There is no one ‘ideal’ personality. The perfect personality changes depending on the situation and the people involved. I always thought being quiet made me boring. Turns out my fiancé is grateful for this quality. He finds constant chatter exhausting and appreciates down time.

Everyone likes to laugh but you don’t have to be the life and soul of the party to have an interesting personality. People appreciate traits like honesty, determination, and reliability.

Perhaps you think you’re boring in comparison to an outgoing extravert, but have you ever stopped to think that they may admire your calming, reflective temperament?

You are interesting because you are unique.

If people don’t see that, you’re hanging out with the wrong people. If you don’t see it, keep reading to find out why!

Why do I feel I have no personality?

After some soul searching (and some scrolling the net) and discovered 20 key reasons why you feel like you have no personality. Here’s what I found.

You model other people’s personalities rather than showing your own to avoid rejection. You try to fit in and seek acceptance but in doing so neglect your authentic self.
You undervalue yourself. Self-worth is routed in what we believe others think of us. If you believe others see quiet people who spend their weekends learning to code as boring, you will think negatively about yourself – ‘I’m so boring. All I do is learn new code’. Whereas if you think others see coding as cool you will view coding in a positive light. It’s all about perception. Find out what underlies this lack of self-worth and how to change here.
You reject yourself before anyone else does because it hurts less. If you call yourself boring, it’s less painful when others agree.
You put others on a pedestal and put yourself down. You do this because you’ve internalised the opinion of others. Maybe people made unkind comments in your teenage years and those comments have stuck – i.e. ‘They said I have no personality so it must be true’.
You undervalue your traits and view the traits of others as cooler/better/more interesting. Remember what is ‘cool’ is very subjective. I’ll bet you value some traits in others that you also possess. You probably just haven’t given yourself credit for them yet.
You are too anxious to show your true self. You may feel you have no personality because it’s difficult to show your true personality to others when you are shy, introverted or socially anxious.
You aren’t with the right people. If you send all your time around people who value assertive, loud people and that’s not you, it will affect your opinion of yourself. Do the people in your life build you up, accept and appreciate you?
You’ve been telling yourself this story that you have no personality for so long you believe it without question – but is it true? If you had a friend who exhibited your traits would you find them boring? Sometimes we cannot see our true greatness because we are too close to it. When you step back and view yourself from the perspective of another you can see yourself in a different light.
You lack awareness of current affairs. If you don’t keep up with big world events, it’s difficult to have an opinion on it. This lack of sharing/debate/contribution can leave you feeling you have no personality.
You have limited interests/the same routine which feels boring in comparison to others. If you go to work, come home, watch TV, then go to bed every day you will feel that you don’t have much to contribute, unless conversation turns to the latest TV series of course. Need a little help to get out of your comfort zone? Check out my 30 day comfort zone challenge here.
You misinterpret the reactions of others. Research suggests that people who have social anxiety disorder are more sensitive to negative social cues. If someone is 20% bored, someone with social anxiety will think ‘they’re about to fall asleep they’re so bored’. The interpretation isn’t wrong, but it is given too much weight. People who don’t have this condition won’t even notice 20% boredom.
You avoid new experiences. The more you do the more you have to talk about and the more interesting you feel. Why not sign up for a course on Skillshare and learn something new? They are currently offering a free 30 day membership of Skillshare premium. Check it out here
You don’t recognise the great traits you possess. We attract what we are so if you like your friends/partners/family members personality chances are you’ve got many of those qualities too.
You send a lot of time comparing yourself to others. When’s the last time you scrolled social media and beat yourself up for being ‘so boring’. Remember people show their highlight reel on social media – it’s not a fair comparison. If they spent all day studying or watching TV, they wouldn’t share it!
You lack confidence in your own opinions. Maybe you’re scared to get into a debate for fear that you will offend someone or be rejected. If your confidence needs a boost I recommend the book The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris. Available hereAmazon.com. It explores how to build confidence using techniques from acceptance and commitment therapy.
Your actions are out of line with your values. Sometimes we try so hard to fit in that we lose ourselves. You may feel boring if you’re doing things to please others that don’t please you.
You’ve developed the safety behaviour of withholding information i.e. ‘If I don’t say anything they can’t judge me’. The trouble is you then feel bad about yourself as you give the impression that you have no interest/hobbies.
You haven’t developed the skill of storytelling. Interesting people are captivating story tellers. Something dull can sound intriguing if it is phrased in a compelling way.
You have low self-esteem and/or struggle with self-acceptance. If this is you, read this article – How to boost self-esteem when you have social anxiety.
You have a mental health condition such as depression or anxiety.

How do I get a personality?

Let’s get this straight – you don’t need to ‘get’ a personality.

You already have one.

One that is, no doubt comprised of wonderful qualities.

The problems is, you don’t see value in the traits you have. That’s what you need to work on. Get started with these tips.

Try new things and change your routine

This will make you feel you have more to offer. It will also allow you to see yourself in a different light – as someone who is adventurous and interesting.

Watch current affairs

Knowing what is happening in the world enables you to participate in conversations. It also makes the small talk that many introverts loathe a bit easier! Make sure you offer your opinion on the topic, don’t sit on the fence.

Build confidence and self-esteem

You feel as though you have no personality because you don’t value the qualities you possess. In the video below psychiatrist Dr Alok Kanojia explains how to build confidence from within. He helps me see things from a different perspective. Maybe he can help you too.

Figure out what you truly value

It’s easy to live a life that society tells you to, or that others expect of you. But that life won’t leave you fulfilled. Decide what really matters to you and develop those traits.

Get out of your comfort zone

Get to know yourself and what your limits are. You might just be more determined, focused or committed than you thought. Not sure where to start? This post will help – ‘Your comfort zone will kill your dreams’.

Commit to something

This will help you to build admirable qualities like determination, courage, and consistency – traits you should be proud of.

Find your passion

The more you are genuinely interested in something the more enthusiastic you will be, and the more people will be intrigued to know more. Unsure what your passions are? Why not try Skillshare? They are an online learning community who offer video tutorials on a range of topics. With a free 7 day trial you really have nothing to lose!

Be mindful of who you surround yourself with

If the people in your life make you feel boring and inadequate ditch them. Block/mute them on social media and stop hanging out with them. Brutal? Yes. Good for you? Also, yes.

Be kind to yourself

When you believe you are boring and have no personality it’s easy to put yourself down.

Don’t!

Instead, ask yourself ‘what would I advise someone else in this position?’ We’re often great at giving advice and terrible at taking it! If you genuinely think someone else who believes they have no personality could be wrong, perhaps you’re wrong about yourself too…

**Your current belief suggests you could be prone to cognitive distortions. Find out if you display more of them here.**

Practice storytelling and share more

You worry that people won’t approve if you tell them about your ‘lame’ hobbies, but you also worry that you’re boring if you don’t contribute to conversations. It’s a lose, lose situation so be proud and own it. Tell others about the things that bring you joy. The more you do so the more confident you will become at telling your story.

See a therapist

Sometimes we get stuck in mental patterns that are difficult to change. A therapist will help you understand where your belief comes from and support you to recognise your unique value in the world. Online therapy is very accessible and cheaper than regular forms of therapy. Two of the most well known providers are Better Help and Online-therapy.com.

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I’m boring and have no personality: Why and how to change – Jenny’s Life Logic